They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We had sex on a dog bed..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
