It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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