on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
