are you still at the devil's house?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
