You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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