North Korea, Best Korea!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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