she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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