it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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