Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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