i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
