I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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