You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize