Your face is a jimmy john
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
