You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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