Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
