Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
