I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
