I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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