i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
