this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
