**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
