He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
