i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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