Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
