do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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