He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
