you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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