just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
