why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
