Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
