I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
