My liver just broke up with me...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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