Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
