happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
