Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
