she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
