don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
