Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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