Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize