Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
