i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
