Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
