Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
