Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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