pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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