This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize