my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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