Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
