highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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