Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
