I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
