a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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