Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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