Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
