what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
