evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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