You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
