but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
