they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
