Where did you get a picture of my penis
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
