Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
