you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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