If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
