brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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