Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
