There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize