if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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