i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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