The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
