We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize